When I support clients in therapy, one of the most powerful approaches I use is inner child work. Many people who come to me with struggles around trauma, addiction, or codependency often feel stuck in old patterns that no longer serve them. To help untangle these patterns, I draw on Transactional Analysis (TA), a therapeutic model that explores the different parts of our personality — known as ego states.
Understanding these ego states can bring clarity, self-compassion, and the freedom to make healthier choices in the present.
What Are Transactional Analysis Ego States?
Transactional Analysis (TA), developed by Eric Berne, suggests that we all operate from three main ego states:
Parent – the voices, rules, and messages we absorbed from caregivers and authority figures.
Adult – the logical, present-moment, problem-solving part of ourselves.
Child – the emotional, creative, playful, and sometimes vulnerable part of us.
Each state plays an important role. But when unresolved trauma or unmet childhood needs are present, we can become “stuck” in unhelpful patterns, often without realising it.
The Role of the Inner Child
The inner child represents the younger part of ourselves that still carries emotional memories, both painful and joyful. For people living with trauma, addiction, or codependency, the inner child may feel unheard, neglected, or burdened with shame.
Working with the Child ego state in TA allows us to give space to these younger parts — offering them understanding, safety, and validation they may not have received at the time.
How I Use Ego States in Inner Child Work
When I work with clients, I help them notice which ego state they are speaking or acting from in the moment. For example:
If someone says, “I’ll never get it right”, we might explore whether that’s the Critical Parent voice speaking.
If someone feels overwhelmed by shame, it may be their Adapted Child who once learned to suppress emotions to stay safe.
✨ One of my clients realised that whenever their partner was upset, they immediately jumped into “fixing” mode. Together, we discovered this was their Adapted Child trying to avoid conflict at all costs, because as a child they had learned that keeping the peace kept them safe. By strengthening their Adult state, they began to set healthier boundaries and feel calmer in relationships.
✨ Another client noticed they often turned to alcohol when they felt criticised. In therapy, we uncovered that this was their inner child seeking comfort from overwhelming shame. With practice, they learned to soothe that younger part with compassion, rather than escaping through drinking.
Through this process, clients learn to:
• Reconnect with their inner child and acknowledge their unmet needs.
• Soothe their younger self with kindness rather than self-criticism.
• Strengthen the Adult ego state, so they feel more grounded and less reactive.
• Challenge unhelpful Parent messages (like “you’re not good enough”) and replace them with supportive beliefs.
Why This Matters for Healing Trauma, Addiction, and Codependency
Addiction and codependency often stem from old coping strategies the child part of us developed to survive. These patterns can feel automatic and hard to change. By using TA ego states in inner child work, clients begin to see:
• Where these patterns came from (they were protective at one time).
• How they show up today in relationships, self-esteem, or substance use.
• What they can do differently by bringing the Adult state forward.
This creates lasting change because the healing isn’t just intellectual and conscious — it reaches the younger parts of ourselves that needed care all along.
Taking the First Step
If you recognise yourself in any of this, know that you are not alone. Many people find that working with their ego states and inner child brings relief, clarity, and hope for the future.
I offer a safe and supportive space in Romford, Harold Wood, and Chelmsford, as well as online, for those ready to explore this gentle but powerful work.
Get in touch today to book a free consultation and take the first step towards healing your inner child.
FAQs About Inner Child Work and Ego States:
What is inner child work?
Inner child work is a therapeutic approach that helps you reconnect with the younger parts of yourself. It allows you to process painful memories, meet unmet needs with compassion, and build healthier coping strategies in the present.
How does Transactional Analysis help in therapy?
Transactional Analysis (TA) provides a clear framework for understanding your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. By exploring Parent, Adult, and Child ego states, you can see where old patterns come from and learn how to respond differently.
Can inner child work help with addiction?
Yes. Many people turn to substances or behaviours to numb the pain of unresolved childhood wounds. By working with the inner child, therapy helps you understand these triggers, soothe emotional pain in healthier ways, and reduce reliance on addictive patterns.
Is this type of therapy useful for codependency?
Absolutely. Codependency often develops when our inner child learns to meet others’ needs at the expense of our own. Inner child work supports you to set boundaries, strengthen your Adult state, and begin meeting your own needs with compassion.
Do I need to revisit painful memories in detail?
Not always. Inner child work can be gentle and paced at whatever feels safe for you. The focus is on healing, self-compassion, and giving your inner child the care they may not have received, rather than retraumatising yourself.
Andrea x