A common question I get asked is:

“Do you offer couples therapy?”

The answer is no.

Not because I don’t believe couples therapy can be helpful—it absolutely can. When both people are committed to taking responsibility, communicating openly, and working towards change, it can transform a relationship.

But over the years, I’ve noticed something.

Many of the people who ask about couples therapy aren’t actually looking for help with communication. They’re exhausted from carrying the relationship. They’re walking on eggshells. They’re constantly trying to keep the peace, make their partner happy, or fix problems that were never theirs to solve.

Often, what they really need isn’t couples therapy.

They need to come back to themselves.

The Patterns We Bring Into Relationships

Every relationship is influenced by the experiences we had long before we met our partner.

If you grew up believing you had to earn love, avoid conflict, put everyone else’s needs first, or keep people happy to feel safe, those patterns don’t simply disappear when you enter a relationship.

Instead, they often show up as:

• People-pleasing.
• Difficulty saying no.
• Fear of abandonment.
• Feeling responsible for your partner’s emotions.
• Ignoring your own needs.
• Staying in unhealthy relationships because leaving feels impossible.

These aren’t character flaws. They’re often survival strategies that once protected you.

The problem is that they can keep you stuck in relationships that leave you feeling anxious, unseen and emotionally drained.

You Can’t Do Someone Else’s Healing

One of the hardest lessons to learn is that you cannot heal someone else’s wounds.

You cannot love someone into changing.

You cannot communicate perfectly enough to make someone treat you with kindness.

And you cannot carry a relationship on your own.

Many people spend years trying to become “better” in the hope their partner will finally change. They become quieter, more understanding, more forgiving, more patient.

Yet nothing changes.

Not because they’re failing—but because healthy relationships require effort from both people.

Sometimes Individual Therapy Comes First

Individual therapy gives you the opportunity to understand yourself before trying to repair the relationship.

It helps you to:

• Understand your relationship patterns.
• Heal childhood wounds that may still be influencing your choices.
• Build self-worth.
• Learn healthy boundaries.
• Recognise what is—and isn’t—within your control.
• Trust your own thoughts and feelings again.

Interestingly, when one person begins to change, the relationship often changes too.

Sometimes it becomes healthier.

Sometimes it becomes clear that it never could.

Either way, you gain clarity instead of staying stuck.

A Gentle Word About Abuse

If your relationship involves emotional abuse, coercive control, intimidation or physical violence, couples therapy is often not the appropriate starting point.

In abusive relationships, the problem isn’t poor communication—it’s an imbalance of power and control.

Your safety always comes first, and individual support is usually the safest place to begin.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Before booking couples therapy, it may be worth asking yourself:

• Am I hoping therapy will change my partner more than me?
• Am I afraid to express my needs?
• Do I apologise even when I’ve done nothing wrong?
• Do I ignore my own boundaries to keep the peace?
• Am I taking responsibility for someone else’s emotions?
• If nothing about my partner changed, would I still choose this relationship?

These aren’t easy questions.

But they can be life-changing ones.

My Approach

I don’t offer couples therapy because my work focuses on helping individuals understand themselves, heal from past wounds, rebuild their self-worth, and create healthier relationship patterns.

When you begin changing the relationship you have with yourself, everything else starts to shift.

Sometimes that strengthens a relationship.

Sometimes it gives you the courage to leave one that has been hurting you.

Either outcome begins with the same decision:

To stop trying to fix everyone else—and start coming home to yourself.

If you’ve lost yourself in a relationship and you’re ready to reconnect with who you are, I’d love to support you on that journey.

Andrea, x