Changing old patterns
The strange experience of rebuilding your identity after unhealthy relationships. Recently, I watched a TV programme that I’d first watched years ago. It was exactly the same programme. The same characters. The same relationships. The same storylines. But somehow, I was watching a completely different show. Things I hadn’t noticed before jumped out at …
Continue reading “When You Don’t Recognise the Person You Used to Be”
Every time a photo of Daniella Westbrook circulates in the media, the response is depressingly predictable. Comment sections quickly fill with ridicule, mockery, and cheap jokes about her appearance. What’s often missing from these conversations is something basic, yet vital: perspective. Addiction is not a punchline. It is not a personality flaw. And it is …
Continue reading “When Addiction Becomes Entertainment: Why Public Shaming Misses the Point”
There is a version of me that people see now — calm, grounded, put together. A therapist. Someone with boundaries, direction, and a strong sense of self. And that version of me is real. But it isn’t where I started. I’m aware that when you’re struggling — with addiction, codependency, the aftermath of abuse, or …
My introduction to trauma came through a book that made a bold claim: If trauma didn’t exist, we wouldn’t need prisons, social services, or many of the systems we rely on to manage human suffering. I remember reading that and immediately disbelieving it. It felt like a massive overstatement — almost offensive in its simplicity. …
Continue reading “Trauma: The Invisible Thread Shaping Our Lives”
When we look back on relationships, friendships, or family dynamics that hurt us, it’s so easy to feel ashamed. “How didn’t I see it?” “Why did I stay?” “Was I stupid?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you’re not alone — and you absolutely weren’t stupid. Ignoring red flags is a deeply human response, …
When someone we love behaves in a way that confuses, angers, hurts, or frustrates us, it’s natural to jump to conclusions. We label people as dramatic, attention-seeking, promiscuous, needy, lazy, or difficult.But these labels only tell us what we see. They reveal nothing about what is happening inside. If we look beneath the behaviour, we …
When we think of people like Bruce Springsteen or Elton John, we see talent, success, stadiums full of fans — lives that look almost untouchable. But films like Deliver Me From Nowhere and Rocketman show something deeper: no amount of fame, achievement or financial security gives any of us immunity from the impact of childhood …
“A parentified child will often learn empathy before they learn self-compassion.They become an expert at understanding everyone else’s pain, but struggle to even acknowledge their own.”— Nadia Addesi When a child is placed in the position of caring for a parent emotionally, they don’t just grow up faster — they grow around the needs of …
Continue reading “When a Child Becomes the Caregiver: Healing the Parentified Child”
When love was shown but never said Many of us grew up knowing our parents loved us in practical ways — they provided food, shelter, and perhaps stability — yet they never said “I love you.” That silence can leave a quiet ache. As a trauma therapist working with people in addiction, recovery and codependency, …
Recovery from trauma isn’t a straight line, and it doesn’t mean life becomes symptom-free. Many people imagine healing looks like morning yoga, green juices, and simply “letting it go.” But in reality, trauma recovery often looks very different. For many, flashbacks, anxiety, sleepless nights, or emotional numbness don’t vanish completely. The difference is learning how …
Continue reading “Recovery From Trauma: Real, Human, and Far From Perfect”