You may have a mother wound if you were invalidated or made to feel that your weren’t important. If your feelings were ‘wrong’ or you were blamed for things you didn’t do. By your mother. If you weren’t allowed to ever express or explore negative emotions, this may result in chronic low self-esteem.
Do you search externally for validation of YOU? This involves looking to others to feel good enough or loved. Do you often disown these very feelings because you feel GUILTY for even having them?
To walk around without a confirmed sense of being a ‘good girl‘ is a very difficult reality. This leads you to the emotionally unavailable, toxic partner who seems like a dream come true. ‘He will rescue me from my insecurities. Someone this amazing, confident, powerful, handsome finding me attractive means I am worthy after all’.
You are looking outwards to find a partner to make you feel validated, seen, adored and taken care of, and it feels absolutely normal to you when you don’t receive that, and so you step up the begging, chasing, and try to be even more for them. When you keep chasing after these narcissistic or emotionally unavailable people, you are simply reenacting your past trauma. Mirroring the deficit of love and affection you are used to. You are depending on undependable people.
To break this pattern, you have to learn how to be the love to yourself that you never had. To become your own mother inside. To reparent yourself. Your inner child needs a mother and this time it will be you.
Get in touch if you want to know more about reparenting yourself, inner child work, or healing from codependency.
Andrea x