Changing old patterns
Understanding the Need to Be Seen, Chosen, Approved Of, or Reassured There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel appreciated, loved, or recognised. Human beings are wired for connection. We all need reassurance at times. But for some people, external validation becomes more than just a normal emotional need. It becomes the thing that determines their …
Understanding childhood trauma, behaviour, and why connection works better than punishment For many years, smacking children was widely accepted as normal discipline. Many adults still say the same phrase: “I was smacked and it never did me any harm.” I used to say that too. But when I began doing my own healing work later …
Continue reading “Smacking Children: Why Fear Doesn’t Teach What Love Can”
There is a version of me that people see now — calm, grounded, put together. A therapist. Someone with boundaries, direction, and a strong sense of self. And that version of me is real. But it isn’t where I started. I’m aware that when you’re struggling — with addiction, codependency, the aftermath of abuse, or …
For a long time, I was deeply codependent in friendships — even before I had the language for it. On the surface, I looked like a great friend. I was generous, thoughtful, reliable. I was the one who made the effort, remembered things, showed up, and took care of people. Underneath, though, I didn’t believe …
Continue reading “When You Over-Do Friendships: Codependency, Boundaries, and Resentment”
When we think of people like Bruce Springsteen or Elton John, we see talent, success, stadiums full of fans — lives that look almost untouchable. But films like Deliver Me From Nowhere and Rocketman show something deeper: no amount of fame, achievement or financial security gives any of us immunity from the impact of childhood …
Feeling fine one moment and suddenly overwhelmed the next can be frightening. Many people describe it as the floor dropping out from under them or a sense that the “carpet has been pulled away.” You might be going about your day, coping well, managing work, family, and responsibilities — and then out of nowhere, your …
“A parentified child will often learn empathy before they learn self-compassion.They become an expert at understanding everyone else’s pain, but struggle to even acknowledge their own.”— Nadia Addesi When a child is placed in the position of caring for a parent emotionally, they don’t just grow up faster — they grow around the needs of …
Continue reading “When a Child Becomes the Caregiver: Healing the Parentified Child”
When anxiety shows up, it can feel overwhelming. Many of us say things like “I am anxious” or “I’m just an anxious person.” But what if changing just a few words could help you feel calmer, more compassionate towards yourself, and less defined by anxiety? This idea comes from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a …
Continue reading “Why Saying “A Part of Me Feels Anxious” Can Be More Helpful Than “I Am Anxious””
It can be worrying when your child crumbles at the slightest criticism. You may wonder why they seem so sensitive, or fear they’re lacking resilience. But what looks like “overreacting” is often something much deeper: a signal that their self-worth has become tied to their performance. Why Criticism Feels So Painful for Some Children When …
Continue reading “When Criticism Feels Like Rejection: Helping Your Child Build Self-Worth”
When we think about control in relationships, it’s easy to imagine the loud, obvious kind – jealousy, demands, or strict rules. But control can also show up in quieter, more subtle ways. For people who identify as codependent, the idea of being “controlling” can feel surprising, even uncomfortable. After all, codependents are often seen as …
Continue reading “How Codependency Can Quietly Control a Relationship”
