“When I was a kid, I used to get hit all the time. In public places—restaurants, anywhere—if I spilled a glass of water or made a small mistake, my dad would grab my head and dig his knuckles into my forehead or slap me. I never understood it: why would a father feel so embarrassed or threatened by what others might think if his child made a simple mistake, that he had to punish him for it?
It’s a strange psychological trick to play on a kid, because even now, I still insult myself if I drop or spill something by accident. I get really angry with myself, because I was conditioned to avoid accidents, to never make human mistakes, to be perfect all the time. I hate that about my past…”
— Kurt Cobain
The Lasting Impact of Childhood Experiences
Our childhood experiences leave deep imprints on the way we see ourselves and the world around us. For many of us, the voices we internalised as children still echo in our adult lives.
If you were shamed, criticised, or punished for making mistakes, you may now find yourself struggling with perfectionism, self-criticism, or feelings of never being “good enough.” On the other hand, if your childhood was filled with unpredictability or neglect, you may notice difficulties with trust, boundaries, or self-worth.
These patterns are not flaws in who you are—they are learned responses. They were ways of surviving in environments where love, safety, or acceptance may have felt conditional.
Childhood Trauma and Adult Struggles
Many adults who seek therapy for anxiety, depression, addiction, or codependency find that their struggles have roots in childhood. For example:
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Perfectionism and self-criticism: Growing up in a home where mistakes weren’t tolerated can lead to harsh self-talk.
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People-pleasing and codependency: If love was earned by meeting others’ needs, you may find it hard to prioritise yourself.
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Addiction and self-soothing: When feelings weren’t safe to express, substances or behaviours can become a way to numb pain.
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Difficulty with relationships: If trust or boundaries were violated in childhood, intimacy can feel overwhelming or unsafe.
Understanding these links can be incredibly freeing. It allows us to see that what feels “wrong” with us is actually an adaptation to what we lived through.
Healing From the Past
The good news is that our brains and bodies are capable of healing. Therapy offers a safe space to explore your story, challenge old beliefs, and begin to treat yourself with the compassion you may not have received as a child.
Healing often involves:
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Learning to notice and soften self-criticism
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Building healthier boundaries and relationships
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Developing new coping strategies that don’t rely on numbing or avoidance
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Reconnecting with your authentic self—the one that was there before the pain
It’s never too late to re-write the messages you carry from childhood.
Therapy in Romford, Harold Wood & Chelmsford
If you recognise yourself in Kurt Cobain’s words, you’re not alone. So many people carry silent wounds from their childhood that continue to shape their lives today.
As a trauma and addiction therapist based in Romford, Harold Wood, and Chelmsford, I support adults who are ready to break free from old patterns and create healthier ways of living and relating.
Whether you’re struggling with addiction, codependency, or the lasting effects of childhood trauma, therapy can help you understand your past, reclaim your present, and build a more hopeful future.
Take the Next Step
If you’d like to begin your healing journey, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can explore how your childhood experiences shaped you—and more importantly, how you can move forward.
Contact me today to book a session or ask any questions about therapy in Romford, Harold Wood, and Chelmsford,
Andrea x