Changing old patterns
When you’re supporting a loved one through addiction, trauma, or difficult life experiences, you may hear them say they “feel bad” or “feel ashamed,” but not know exactly what that means. Guilt and shame are often confused for one another — yet they impact us in very different ways. Understanding the difference can help you …
Continue reading “Guilt vs Shame: Understanding the Difference and Why It Matters for Healing”
When we think of people like Bruce Springsteen or Elton John, we see talent, success, stadiums full of fans — lives that look almost untouchable. But films like Deliver Me From Nowhere and Rocketman show something deeper: no amount of fame, achievement or financial security gives any of us immunity from the impact of childhood …
When love was shown but never said Many of us grew up knowing our parents loved us in practical ways — they provided food, shelter, and perhaps stability — yet they never said “I love you.” That silence can leave a quiet ache. As a trauma therapist working with people in addiction, recovery and codependency, …
The Rescuer’s Heart Many of us who care deeply have a rescuer inside us. We see pain in others and want to make it better. We spot potential, we believe in people, and we feel a powerful urge to help them become who we know they can be. But sometimes, that beautiful instinct crosses into …
Continue reading “When Love Becomes Rescue: Understanding Rescuer Syndrome in Relationships”
Many people who struggle with codependent behaviours describe a constant urge to rescue, fix, or manage others. If this sounds familiar, it’s important to know: these patterns are not a personal flaw. They are learned survival strategies developed in response to early emotional experiences. Understanding how childhood trauma shapes codependency is the first step toward …
Codependency is a word that gets used a lot, but it can be hard to fully understand. At its core, codependency is about losing yourself in relationships – whether that’s with a partner, family member, or friend. People who struggle with codependency often put others’ needs before their own, feel responsible for other people’s emotions, …
Continue reading “The 4 Types of Codependency: Which One Do You Recognise?”
Relationships have the power to heal, comfort, and inspire growth. But when they are shaped by unresolved trauma, they can also trap us in cycles of pain, confusion, and dependency. Many people confuse trauma bonds with love, believing that intensity and emotional highs and lows are proof of a “deep connection.” In reality, what may …
Continue reading “Trauma Bonds vs Healthy Bonds: How to Tell the Difference”
Have you ever met someone new and felt an instant spark? Maybe holding their hand feels electric, or you’re convinced you’ve known them your whole life. At the same time, you notice red flags — but somehow, those concerns get pushed aside. If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing limerence: an intense emotional state …
Relationships can bring us joy, support, and connection. But when we get caught in unhealthy patterns, they can also feel draining, confusing, and painful. One model that helps explain these dynamics is the Drama Triangle, a concept developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s. If you’ve ever felt stuck in repeated arguments, cycles of blame, …
Continue reading “Understanding the Drama Triangle: Breaking Free from Toxic Relationship Patterns”
When we think about control in relationships, it’s easy to imagine the loud, obvious kind – jealousy, demands, or strict rules. But control can also show up in quieter, more subtle ways. For people who identify as codependent, the idea of being “controlling” can feel surprising, even uncomfortable. After all, codependents are often seen as …
Continue reading “How Codependency Can Quietly Control a Relationship”