Changing old patterns
When we think of people like Bruce Springsteen or Elton John, we see talent, success, stadiums full of fans — lives that look almost untouchable. But films like Deliver Me From Nowhere and Rocketman show something deeper: no amount of fame, achievement or financial security gives any of us immunity from the impact of childhood …
Many people who struggle with codependent behaviours describe a constant urge to rescue, fix, or manage others. If this sounds familiar, it’s important to know: these patterns are not a personal flaw. They are learned survival strategies developed in response to early emotional experiences. Understanding how childhood trauma shapes codependency is the first step toward …
In families affected by trauma, addiction, or unresolved conflict, children often take on certain roles as a way to survive. These roles—sometimes called “the golden child,” “the scapegoat,” “the mascot,” and more—are coping strategies children develop to make sense of a chaotic environment. It’s important to know that these roles aren’t fixed. Many children take …
Continue reading “Family Roles in Dysfunctional Families: How They Shape Us in Adulthood”
Many people assume trauma only comes from big, dramatic events. Yet, often the most lasting emotional wounds come from subtle, everyday experiences that shape how we see ourselves and the world. As a trauma psychotherapist, I’ve seen countless clients who describe their childhoods as “idyllic,” only to discover that beneath the surface, small experiences left …
Continue reading “When Trauma Isn’t Obvious: How “Little” Childhood Events Shape Our Self-Worth”
When I support clients in therapy, one of the most powerful approaches I use is inner child work. Many people who come to me with struggles around trauma, addiction, or codependency often feel stuck in old patterns that no longer serve them. To help untangle these patterns, I draw on Transactional Analysis (TA), a therapeutic …
Have you ever felt, deep down, that something is wrong with you—even if you can’t quite explain why? Maybe you blame yourself for things that weren’t your fault. Maybe you struggle to accept love or believe you deserve good things. Maybe no matter how hard you try, that nagging sense of “I’m bad” won’t go …
Shame is a powerful, painful emotion. It’s not the same as guilt. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am something wrong.” For many people affected by trauma, addiction, or codependency, shame becomes a deep-rooted belief that silently drives harmful patterns—what we call the shame cycle. In this blog, we’ll explore what the …
Continue reading “Breaking the Shame Cycle: How to Recognise It and Begin to Heal”
Shame is one of the most powerful—and often hidden—emotions that people face in addiction and recovery. It can keep us stuck in cycles of self-destructive behaviour, disconnected from ourselves and others. But understanding shame, and learning how to work through it, can be a crucial turning point in recovery. In this blog, I’ll explore what …
Continue reading “The Role of Shame in Addiction Recovery: How Understanding It Can Help You Heal”
Many of us grew up hearing well-meaning phrases like “You can be anything you want,” or “You don’t need anyone to complete you.” But if we’re honest, those words didn’t always match the actions we witnessed. Maybe our parents said all the right things—but couldn’t live them. And whether we realised it or not, we …
Addiction and Learned Helplessness: How Are They Connected? If you or someone you care about is struggling with addiction, you may have noticed a pattern of hopelessness or feeling “stuck”—like no matter what they do, nothing seems to change. This emotional state is often described as learned helplessness. But is addiction a form of learned …