Emotional maturity is defined by the ability to manage our emotions and take full responsibility for our actions. Emotional immaturity can be the result of insecure attachments in childhood, unresolved trauma, or mental health issues.
If you have problems communicating your needs, controlling your reactions, regulating your emotions, or are defensive and hyper-sensitive to criticism, you may be emotionally immature.
As children, we use certain coping mechanisms in an attempt to get our needs met. Tears, impulsive reactions, temper tantrums. As we mature, ideally, these behaviours are replaced with more emotionally mature responses. But if, as a child, we weren’t taught to self soothe and regulate our emotions, had a lack of bonding or attachment with our primary caregivers, or suffered a trauma, neglect, bullying or abuse, there can be a disruption to our emotional growth.
For example, a child who suffered abuse at the age of three, will feel ‘stuck’, having the perception of a small child, black and white thinking, and a feeling of powerlessness with regard to her affect on her environment.
Even lesser traumatic events can overwhelm your mind and body, causing problems in adulthood, with your relationships, friendships, career, and your sense of self.
Regressive behaviours can include:
Lack of assertiveness
Lack of strong boundaries
Temper tantrums
Rocking
Crying over minor events
Arguing with your child on their level as though you aren’t an adult
Inability to calm down and self-regulate
Passive aggressive behaviour
Healing can help you become ‘unstuck’
Therapies such as EMDR, EFT, or somatic therapies can help you heal from trauma.
Practising meditation and mindfulness can help you learn to respond, rather than to react.
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