Changing old patterns
If you have ever wondered why some days you can cope with stress quite well, while on other days even a small comment, disagreement, or unexpected change feels overwhelming, your nervous system may hold the answer. The nervous system and the “window of tolerance” are deeply connected. Understanding this can help us make more sense …
Continue reading “Understanding the Nervous System and the Window of Tolerance”
Many of us walk into adulthood believing we’ve left childhood behind. We build careers, form relationships, make decisions, and navigate life with the assumption that we are operating from a fully grown, fully rational self. But beneath the surface, a younger part of us often remains active — the part that once felt scared, unseen, …
Continue reading “How Your Inner Child Shapes Your Relationships — And How to Begin Healing”
Understanding childhood trauma, behaviour, and why connection works better than punishment For many years, smacking children was widely accepted as normal discipline. Many adults still say the same phrase: “I was smacked and it never did me any harm.” I used to say that too. But when I began doing my own healing work later …
Continue reading “Smacking Children: Why Fear Doesn’t Teach What Love Can”
Understanding the Silent Wounds and How Therapy Can Help Many people come to therapy carrying pain they can’t quite name. They might say things like: “I had a good childhood—no one hit me or abused me—but I still feel… empty.” “I don’t know how to ask for help.” “I feel numb most of the …
Continue reading “Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect as an Adult”
Are you always putting your partner’s needs before your own? Do you feel responsible for someone else’s emotions or choices? If so, you may be experiencing codependency—an unhealthy relational pattern that can leave you feeling drained, anxious, or stuck. As a trauma-informed therapist based in Romford and Harold Wood, I support individuals who are struggling …
Continue reading “7 Common Signs of Codependency in Relationships (And What to Do About It)”
Family relationships are some of the most complex and emotionally charged connections we have. When things go wrong—whether due to repeated conflicts, emotional neglect, betrayal, or abuse—many people face the painful decision of whether to reconnect or stay no contact with a family member. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but there are some key considerations that …
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For those living with Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), the idea of finding a healthy, loving relationship can feel like chasing a mirage—always visible in the distance, never within reach. While the desire for connection runs deep, the path to intimacy is often obstructed by invisible scars, unhealed wounds, and deeply ingrained survival patterns. C-PTSD often stems …
Continue reading “Why It Feels Impossible to Find a Healthy Relationship After Complex PTSD”
The intense love you feel with a narcissist or when you are in a trauma bond, isn’t actually love. It’s infatuation. It’s addiction. And it is because you are revisiting/reenacting something you went through in childhood from your primary care giver/s. Subconsciously, we keep revisiting what we know, what is familiar. No matter how painful …
An emotionally unavailable person is typically seen as someone who has a fear or block to sharing their emotions, and feelings. They delay making plans, don’t really want a label to the relationship, can’t commit, are inconsistent, they lead you on, or worse. They can be emotionally abusing you (gaslighting, stonewalling, lying). They likely …
Continue reading “Do You Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners?”
My daughter asked me recently where the term ‘bunny boiler’ comes from. I laughed, as I recalled Glenn Close’s psychotic character in ‘Fatal Attraction‘ and how, after the huge success of the film in the 80s, any female who demonstrated a glimmer of insecure behaviour was labelled a bunny boiler, relating to the scene where …
Continue reading “When Trauma And Pain Show Up As Crazy In Relationships”