Changing old patterns
When I first began my own recovery from childhood trauma, one truth hit me harder than anything else — if I wanted to heal, I had to develop self-awareness. But becoming aware is not the soft, floaty thing Instagram quotes make it out to be. Awareness meant looking at some very uncomfortable truths about myself: …
How do you cope with whatever life throws at you? Coping is the ability to deal with difficult situations. Coping skills are the skills that we use to achieve this. It is, therefore, possible to describe a wide range of skills and activities as ‘coping skills’. It is also clear that some coping skills may …
Trauma and anxiety are closely linked. After experiencing a traumatic event, it’s natural to go through a range of negative emotions, including anger, fear, guilt, sadness, and confusion. Anxiety is also a common symptom of trauma, due to its role in our stress responses, also known as fight, flight, freeze, flop or fawn. Anxiety isn’t …
An emotionally unavailable person is typically seen as someone who has a fear or block to sharing their emotions, and feelings. They delay making plans, don’t really want a label to the relationship, can’t commit, are inconsistent, they lead you on, or worse. They can be emotionally abusing you (gaslighting, stonewalling, lying). They likely …
Continue reading “Do You Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners?”
Growing up, I could always make friends easily. I was funny, popular, a fabulous raconteur, and the life and soul of every party. At school, I had girl friends arguing over who was going to sit next to me in class. I was one of the ‘cool’ kids who all the boys wanted to date. …
Continue reading “How Your Attachment Style (and trauma) Shows Up In Friendships”
My daughter asked me recently where the term ‘bunny boiler’ comes from. I laughed, as I recalled Glenn Close’s psychotic character in ‘Fatal Attraction‘ and how, after the huge success of the film in the 80s, any female who demonstrated a glimmer of insecure behaviour was labelled a bunny boiler, relating to the scene where …
Continue reading “When Trauma And Pain Show Up As Crazy In Relationships”
As soon as we are born, life comes at us. We all need attachment, to survive, and if your parents or caregivers didn’t meet your emotional needs fully, you were abused, abandoned, or neglected, you will feel unworthy and unlovable deep down. You will learn behaviours to cope and to keep yourself as safe as …
Our autonomic nervous system, causes us to think, feel and behave in ways that are driven by unconscious patterns and generates automatic responses. The autonomic nervous system’s job is to keep us safe and alive. It is made up of 3 systems: • Sympathetic nervous system: This system activates body processes that help you …
Continue reading “Do You Have A Dysregulated Nervous System?”
For most of my life, I would fly off the handle over the slightest thing, going from 0-200 in a matter of seconds. I was always told that I was ‘born arguing’ and when I look back, I can recall so many times losing my temper whenever I perceived that someone was ‘out to get …
I remember a few years ago, a friend persuaded me to attend a meditation class with her. I couldn’t concentrate or focus, it was boring, and I was just desperate to get down the pub after. This is just one example of how I typically lived for most of my life. If I did ever …