Changing old patterns
Shame is a powerful, painful emotion. It’s not the same as guilt. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am something wrong.” For many people affected by trauma, addiction, or codependency, shame becomes a deep-rooted belief that silently drives harmful patterns—what we call the shame cycle. In this blog, we’ll explore what the …
Continue reading “Breaking the Shame Cycle: How to Recognise It and Begin to Heal”
Trauma doesn’t just live in our minds — it lingers in our bodies, our emotions, and our everyday reactions. But because it’s often invisible, it can be hard to explain — to ourselves and to others. Two powerful metaphors can help us make sense of it: 🌳 the “holey jumper”, and 🌹 the “thorn”. They …
Continue reading “The Hole and the Thorn: Two Gentle Ways to Understand Trauma”
When life feels chaotic, uncertain, or overwhelming—especially in the context of trauma, addiction, or family stress—it can be hard to know where to start. You might find yourself worrying constantly, trying to manage other people’s choices, or feeling helpless in situations you can’t fix.This is where the Circle of Control comes in. It’s a simple …
Continue reading “The Circle of Control: A Simple Tool to Ease Overwhelm and Empower Recovery”
Shame is one of the most powerful—and often hidden—emotions that people face in addiction and recovery. It can keep us stuck in cycles of self-destructive behaviour, disconnected from ourselves and others. But understanding shame, and learning how to work through it, can be a crucial turning point in recovery. In this blog, I’ll explore what …
Continue reading “The Role of Shame in Addiction Recovery: How Understanding It Can Help You Heal”
Many of us grew up hearing well-meaning phrases like “You can be anything you want,” or “You don’t need anyone to complete you.” But if we’re honest, those words didn’t always match the actions we witnessed. Maybe our parents said all the right things—but couldn’t live them. And whether we realised it or not, we …
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling anxious in a relationship, constantly seeking reassurance, or withdrawing when things get too close, you’re not alone. These patterns often stem from our attachment styles, which are shaped early in life and show up again and again in our adult relationships. The good news? Healing is absolutely possible. With …
Continue reading “Healing Attachment Styles for Healthier Relationships”
When someone you love is struggling with addiction, trauma, or mental health issues, it’s natural to want to step in and fix it. You might try to offer solutions, give advice, or take control of the situation because you care so deeply. But here’s the difficult truth:You can’t do someone else’s recovery for them. Trying …
Continue reading “Why You Can’t ‘Fix’ Someone Else’s Recovery—And What You Can Do Instead”
For a long time, I believed I wasn’t an anxious person. In fact, during my marriage, my husband often told me how jealous he was of my calm nature.“I wish I could be like you—you never worry about anything,” he used to say. And for years, I believed him. I thought anxiety meant lying awake …
Continue reading “The Hidden Link Between Codependency, People-Pleasing, and Anxiety”
Understanding the Silent Wounds and How Therapy Can Help Many people come to therapy carrying pain they can’t quite name. They might say things like: “I had a good childhood—no one hit me or abused me—but I still feel… empty.” “I don’t know how to ask for help.” “I feel numb most of the …
Continue reading “Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect as an Adult”
Are you always putting your partner’s needs before your own? Do you feel responsible for someone else’s emotions or choices? If so, you may be experiencing codependency—an unhealthy relational pattern that can leave you feeling drained, anxious, or stuck. As a trauma-informed therapist based in Romford and Harold Wood, I support individuals who are struggling …
Continue reading “7 Common Signs of Codependency in Relationships (And What to Do About It)”