Changing old patterns
It can be one of the hardest things to understand. You watch someone choose a partner over their children. You see a friend stay with someone who lies, cheats or betrays them, while pushing away the very people trying to help. From the outside, the choices can seem impossible to comprehend. People often ask, “Why …
Continue reading “What If They’re Not Choosing the Person, but the Pattern?”
If you have ever wondered why some days you can cope with stress quite well, while on other days even a small comment, disagreement, or unexpected change feels overwhelming, your nervous system may hold the answer. The nervous system and the “window of tolerance” are deeply connected. Understanding this can help us make more sense …
Continue reading “Understanding the Nervous System and the Window of Tolerance”
How Fear, Obligation and Guilt Quietly Control Your Choices Have you ever said yes to something while every part of you wanted to say no? Or stayed in a situation that didn’t feel right, not because you wanted to — but because leaving felt too uncomfortable, too selfish, or too risky? If so, there’s a …
My introduction to trauma came through a book that made a bold claim: If trauma didn’t exist, we wouldn’t need prisons, social services, or many of the systems we rely on to manage human suffering. I remember reading that and immediately disbelieving it. It felt like a massive overstatement — almost offensive in its simplicity. …
Continue reading “Trauma: The Invisible Thread Shaping Our Lives”
The Rescuer’s Heart Many of us who care deeply have a rescuer inside us. We see pain in others and want to make it better. We spot potential, we believe in people, and we feel a powerful urge to help them become who we know they can be. But sometimes, that beautiful instinct crosses into …
Continue reading “When Love Becomes Rescue: Understanding Rescuer Syndrome in Relationships”
When anxiety shows up, it can feel overwhelming. Many of us say things like “I am anxious” or “I’m just an anxious person.” But what if changing just a few words could help you feel calmer, more compassionate towards yourself, and less defined by anxiety? This idea comes from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a …
Continue reading “Why Saying “A Part of Me Feels Anxious” Can Be More Helpful Than “I Am Anxious””
Relationships can bring us joy, support, and connection. But when we get caught in unhealthy patterns, they can also feel draining, confusing, and painful. One model that helps explain these dynamics is the Drama Triangle, a concept developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s. If you’ve ever felt stuck in repeated arguments, cycles of blame, …
Continue reading “Understanding the Drama Triangle: Breaking Free from Toxic Relationship Patterns”