Do you understand the difference between emotional intelligence and emotional maturity?
In a nutshell, emotional intelligence refers to the understanding of emotions, while emotional maturity is the act of applying that knowledge. Emotionally intelligent people understand how to handle tough situations without unnecessarily escalating them.
Emotional maturity focuses on our emotional history, beginning with our interactions with our primary caregivers, extended family, teachers, friends, etc.
At around the age of seven, our psychological and emotional “programming” is set. Our emotional reactivity (anger, sadness, fear, shame, hurt, guilt, loneliness, etc.) that was triggered early on in life becomes stored in our cells and arises when “related” triggers pop up later in life.
Emotionally intelligent, but “immature” adults are often unable to identify or manage their emotions. They usually avoid their emotions by intellectualising, explaining, analysing, disagreeing, attacking, flattering, joking, apologising, evading, going silent, becoming aloof or suspicious, rejecting, criticising or judging.
Because they haven’t explored their emotional development, many of them aren’t even aware that they superimpose their childhood emotions on to their adult life.
According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, who popularised and wrote extensively about the concept, there are five components of emotional intelligence:
• Self awareness
• Self regulation
• Social Skills
• Empathy
• Motivation
Emotional intelligence affects:
Our performance at work. High emotional intelligence can help us to lead and motivate others, and excel in our careers. Many companies now rate emotional intelligence as important as technical ability and employ EQ testing before hiring.
Our physical health. When we’re unable to manage our emotions, stress can lead to serious health problems. Uncontrolled stress raises blood pressure, suppresses the immune system, increases the risk of heart attacks and strokes, contributes to infertility, and speeds up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to manage stress.
Our mental health. Uncontrolled emotions and stress can also impact our mental health, making us vulnerable to anxiety and depression.
Our relationships. By understanding our emotions and how to control them, we’re better able to express how we feel and understand how others are feeling.
Therapy can be helpful when a person wishes to better understand and further develop emotional intelligence. In therapy, a person can improve their ability to recognise and understand their own emotions. As they become more mindful of their feelings, they can practise responding to those emotions productively.