Changing old patterns
Emotional maturity is the ability to recognise, express, and control one’s own emotions while being able to empathise and respond to the emotions of others. It sounds simple, but many people can only see from their own ‘frame of reference’. They haven’t learnt to take a pause, and consider what is going on for others. …
Emotional maturity is defined by the ability to manage our emotions and take full responsibility for our actions. Emotional immaturity can be the result of insecure attachments in childhood, unresolved trauma, or mental health issues. If you have problems communicating your needs, controlling your reactions, regulating your emotions, or are defensive and hyper-sensitive to criticism, …
After years of never really fitting in, always feeling as though there was something wrong with me, and entering into toxic friendships and abusive relationships, I finally found myself at rock bottom. I had no choice but to seek help, if I was going to get through. At my first therapy session, not even …
Continue reading “Are You Living In Survival Mode? (and what to do about it)”
We have a saying in our house, on a regular basis. Whenever I or one of my daughters feels stressed at something outside of our control, and about to react, one of us will ask ‘Where’s the bull’s pause?’ A few deep breaths later, and using one of our grounding techniques, we are ready to …
The Window Of Tolerance is a concept originally developed by Dr Dan Siegel, MD, in his 1999 book, The Developing Mind, to describe the optimum zone of ‘arousal’ for a person to function in every day life. When we are operating within our window of tolerance, we can effectively manage and cope with our …
I have been a people-pleaser for most of my life. Not trusting my own judgement, so relying on others to tell me what to do. Ignoring red flags in people, trying to see the best in them. Which has got me into many dangerous situations, and stuck in a cycle of toxic friendships and abusive …
Continue reading “The Fawn Trauma Response – Are You A People Pleaser?”
If our emotional and physical needs are met as children, we grow up believing that we have a right to be here and that we are capable, lovable and able to take care of ourselves. But often, getting these needs met depends on how well the needs of the family have been met. For example, …
In his book ‘Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner child‘, John Bradshaw relays a story of how, as a grown adult on holiday with his wife and children, something didn’t go his way, and before he knew it, he had stormed out of the accommodation, and was pacing up and down in a new hotel …
In the ancient past, it was useful for our ancestors to respond quickly to danger, or predators and escape with a quick action (a trauma response). The 5 main trauma responses are: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Friend (Fawn), Flop When confronted with a threat, an animal’s brain automatically switches to ‘survival’ mode. The trauma response depends …
Continue reading “The 5 main trauma responses and how they affect our day-to-day life”
If the concept of the ‘inner child’ all sounds a bit woo-woo to you, you’re not alone. At my first meeting with my therapist, in the midst of a complete mental breakdown, begging for help, I remember her gently explaining I had CPTSD, and needed to heal and reparent my inner child. She went …