When someone you love is struggling—whether it’s with grief, anxiety, addiction, or life’s everyday stresses—the natural instinct is to help. For many of us, that means offering advice, solutions, or reassurance. But sometimes, the most powerful way to support someone is not through fixing—but through listening.
At its heart, listening is about being present, offering space, and showing that someone’s feelings matter. Here, I will explore how to listen without giving advice—using four key principles that can help you support a loved one in a truly meaningful way.
1. Practise Active Listening
Active listening goes far beyond just hearing words. It’s about giving your full attention and showing that you’re truly engaged in what the other person is saying. Often, when someone speaks, we’re already preparing our response—especially if we’re trying to offer help. But active listening invites us to pause that impulse and lean into presence.
Here are a few ways to practise active listening:
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Make eye contact and put your phone away
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Reflect back what you hear (“It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed.”)
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Ask open-ended questions (“Can you tell me more about what that was like for you?”)
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Avoid interruptions, even if you think you understand what they’re saying
When we listen with full attention, we send a clear message: You matter. Your experience matters. I’m here with you.
2. Validate Their Feelings
It’s not always easy to sit with someone else’s pain—especially when it brings up discomfort in us. That’s why so many of us default to saying things like, “It’s not that bad,” “Try to stay positive,” or “At least it wasn’t worse.” These comments are often well-intentioned, but they can make someone feel dismissed or minimised.
Emotional validation means acknowledging that someone’s feelings are real and understandable—even if we can’t relate directly to their experience. You don’t have to agree with everything they say; you just have to honour that it’s their truth in that moment.
You might say:
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“That sounds really hard.”
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“I can see why you’d feel that way.”
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“It makes sense that you’re upset.”
Validation is healing. It gives people permission to feel what they feel—without shame or judgment. And in many cases, that’s more helpful than any advice you could give.
3. Practise Empathy
Empathy is the ability to connect emotionally with what another person is going through. It asks us to put ourselves in their shoes—not to solve their problem, but to walk alongside them in it.
Here’s the key difference between empathy and advice:
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Advice says, “Here’s what I think you should do.”
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Empathy says, “I hear you. That sounds really painful. You’re not alone.”
To practise empathy, focus on being curious instead of directive. Let them guide the conversation. Try not to shift the focus to your own experiences unless it genuinely helps them feel less isolated.
It’s okay to say, “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here with you.” In fact, it’s often those moments of shared silence or quiet companionship that make the biggest difference.
4. Be a Safe Person
When someone opens up, they’re offering you something incredibly vulnerable. What they need most is to feel safe—not judged, not fixed, not preached to. Just safe.
Being a safe person means:
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Keeping confidences: Don’t share their story with others unless they’ve given permission.
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Staying grounded: Try to stay calm and non-reactive, even if what they say is emotional or upsetting.
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Respecting boundaries: Let them decide how much they want to share, and don’t push for more than they’re ready to give.
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Showing consistency: Be someone they can rely on—not just once, but over time.
When people know they can come to you without being criticised or lectured, you become part of their healing environment. And often, just having that space to talk freely is what allows them to process their feelings and move forward.
Why Listening Without Advice Matters
We often underestimate the power of being heard. But research—and lived experience—shows that being truly listened to can regulate the nervous system, reduce feelings of isolation, and help people feel more emotionally resilient. For people facing trauma, addiction, or loss, listening is one of the most essential forms of emotional support.
By choosing to listen instead of fix, you’re not doing nothing. You’re doing everything. You’re creating connection. You’re offering comfort. You’re allowing someone to feel seen and accepted exactly as they are.
You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers
Remember: your presence is more valuable than your solutions.
If someone you care about is going through a difficult time, and you want to offer support without giving advice, the four principles above—active listening, validation, empathy, and safety—are a powerful place to start.
And if you’re feeling unsure or overwhelmed about how to best support them, you’re not alone in that either. Sometimes, it helps to talk to a professional—whether for yourself, your loved one, or both.
Need Support?
If you’re looking to deepen your own listening skills or would like guidance in supporting someone you care about, I’m here to help. My counselling services offer a safe, non-judgmental space for individuals and families navigating complex emotions, trauma, and recovery.
Feel free to get in touch if you’d like to explore how counselling can support you or a loved one.
You’re not alone—and you don’t have to have all the answers.
Andrea, x