Changing old patterns
In classrooms, homes, and countless parenting books throughout history, fear has often been used as a tool to shape behaviour. Threats, punishments, raised voices, and harsh consequences are tactics many adults have relied on—often with the best intentions—to “teach a lesson.” But modern neuroscience and child psychology have made one truth increasingly clear: fear …
According to most psychological estimates, around 90-95% of our mental activity is considered subconscious, meaning only a small percentage (5-10%) is consciously accessible. Most of our daily decisions, habits, feelings, emotions and behaviours are driven by our subconscious mind. The subconscious stores a vast amount of information, including memories, beliefs, and learned patterns. Which is …
Continue reading “How Is Your Attachment Style Affecting Your Relationship?”
Are certain people more likely to develop addictions in their lifetime, including to alcohol or drugs? Is there a definitive addictive personality or a set of characteristics that all addicts share? Many people believe they have an addictive personality, but at its core, what they often struggle with is an inability to self-regulate. Self-soothing/regulating means …
How do you cope with whatever life throws at you? Coping is the ability to deal with difficult situations. Coping skills are the skills that we use to achieve this. It is, therefore, possible to describe a wide range of skills and activities as ‘coping skills’. It is also clear that some coping skills may …
As soon as we are born, life comes at us. We all need attachment, to survive, and if your parents or caregivers didn’t meet your emotional needs fully, you were abused, abandoned, or neglected, you will feel unworthy and unlovable deep down. You will learn behaviours to cope and to keep yourself as safe as …
I remember a few years ago, a friend persuaded me to attend a meditation class with her. I couldn’t concentrate or focus, it was boring, and I was just desperate to get down the pub after. This is just one example of how I typically lived for most of my life. If I did ever …
The primary goal of a human infant is to maintain proximity to its caregiver, which was necessary for survival during our evolution. Babies can’t survive alone. They depend on their main caregiver (attachment figure) to literally keep them alive. Founded by psychoanalyst John Bowlby in the 1950s and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory outlines …
WHAT IS THE MOTHER WOUND? The bond between a mother and her child is so strong that British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott believed that there’s no such thing as an infant, but only an infant and their mother. He believed that a child’s sense of self is built by the kind of a relationship that they have with …
Self-regulation is how we cope with certain emotional behaviours and physical movements during stressful situations. Self-regulation is the skill that helps individuals stay focused and attentive during times of stress. Our ability to self-regulate as an adult has roots in our childhoods. Learning how to self-regulate is an important skill that children learn both for …
Continue reading “What is self-regulation, and why is it important?”
I was a codependent for most of my life. Desperate to be loved, I jumped from one long-term relationship to another, from a very young age, most of them being abusive. I was desperate for friends, so clingy and needy, I either put up with bullying and toxicity even in adult friendships, or drove any …