Changing old patterns
Are You Confusing Codependency with Love? At the beginning of a relationship, it’s easy to mistake emotional intensity for genuine connection, or constant reassurance for affection. But what if those overwhelming feelings aren’t love at all—what if they’re symptoms of codependency and a deep-seated fear of abandonment? Why Codependency Feels Like Love—But Isn’t 1. Emotional …
Addiction is a complex, multifaceted issue that impacts millions of individuals and families worldwide. While genetics, environment, trauma, and peer influence all play a role, one often under-discussed yet critical factor is parenting. The way a child is raised—the emotional tone of the household, the boundaries set (or not set), the way love is …
Continue reading “How Bad Parenting Can Contribute to Addiction: A Hard Look at Root Causes”
Not all toxic people come across as cruel or uncaring. Some genuinely love us and may even mean well. But that doesn’t mean their presence in our lives is healthy. Sometimes, it’s not about malice—it’s about misalignment. The way they live, what they ask of us, or what they take from us can force us …
If you grew up in a home with a parent who misused alcohol, drugs, or who suffered from codependency themselves, you’re probably familiar with the feeling of never knowing what to expect from one day to the next. When one or both parents struggle with addiction, the home environment is unpredictable. Arguments, inconsistency, unreliability, …
Continue reading “Adult Children Of Addicts or Codependents – The Laundry List”
I used to be a people-pleaser. I didn’t trust my own judgement, so relied on others to tell me what to do. Ignoring red flags in people, trying to see the best in them. Which has got me into many dangerous situations, and stuck in a cycle of toxic friendships and abusive relationships. I …
Growing up, I could always make friends easily. I was funny, popular, a fabulous raconteur, and the life and soul of every party. At school, I had girl friends arguing over who was going to sit next to me in class. I was one of the ‘cool’ kids who all the boys wanted to date. …
Continue reading “How Your Attachment Style (and trauma) Shows Up In Friendships”
As soon as we are born, life comes at us. We all need attachment, to survive, and if your parents or caregivers didn’t meet your emotional needs fully, you were abused, abandoned, or neglected, you will feel unworthy and unlovable deep down. You will learn behaviours to cope and to keep yourself as safe as …
WHAT IS THE MOTHER WOUND? The bond between a mother and her child is so strong that British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott believed that there’s no such thing as an infant, but only an infant and their mother. He believed that a child’s sense of self is built by the kind of a relationship that they have with …
I was a codependent for most of my life. Desperate to be loved, I jumped from one long-term relationship to another, from a very young age, most of them being abusive. I was desperate for friends, so clingy and needy, I either put up with bullying and toxicity even in adult friendships, or drove any …
On Friday afternoon, I was taking a shift for a mental health charity I regularly volunteer for. Many of the service users are children who are suffering abuse at the hands of adults, and Friday was no exception. When I had finished the shift, I had a phone call from the PE teacher at the …