Changing old patterns
We have a saying in our house, on a regular basis. Whenever I or one of my daughters feels stressed at something outside of our control, and about to react, one of us will ask ‘Where’s the bull’s pause?’ A few deep breaths later, and using one of our grounding techniques, we are ready to …
The Window Of Tolerance is a concept originally developed by Dr Dan Siegel, MD, in his 1999 book, The Developing Mind, to describe the optimum zone of ‘arousal’ for a person to function in every day life. When we are operating within our window of tolerance, we can effectively manage and cope with our …
I have been a people-pleaser for most of my life. Not trusting my own judgement, so relying on others to tell me what to do. Ignoring red flags in people, trying to see the best in them. Which has got me into many dangerous situations, and stuck in a cycle of toxic friendships and abusive …
Continue reading “The Fawn Trauma Response – Are You A People Pleaser?”
If our emotional and physical needs are met as children, we grow up believing that we have a right to be here and that we are capable, lovable and able to take care of ourselves. But often, getting these needs met depends on how well the needs of the family have been met. For example, …
In his book ‘Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner child‘, John Bradshaw relays a story of how, as a grown adult on holiday with his wife and children, something didn’t go his way, and before he knew it, he had stormed out of the accommodation, and was pacing up and down in a new hotel …
In the ancient past, it was useful for our ancestors to respond quickly to danger, or predators and escape with a quick action (a trauma response). The 5 main trauma responses are: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Friend (Fawn), Flop When confronted with a threat, an animal’s brain automatically switches to ‘survival’ mode. The trauma response depends …
Continue reading “The 5 main trauma responses and how they affect our day-to-day life”
If the concept of the ‘inner child’ all sounds a bit woo-woo to you, you’re not alone. At my first meeting with my therapist, in the midst of a complete mental breakdown, begging for help, I remember her gently explaining I had CPTSD, and needed to heal and reparent my inner child. She went …
A lot of us are walking around carrying toxic shame, without even knowing it, or realising just how big an impact it is having on how we function day to day. You may withdraw, become angry without understanding why. You may become a perfectionist, in order to avoid more criticism or shame. Either from others …
Trauma bonds are emotional bonds with an individual that arise from a recurring, cyclical pattern of abuse perpetuated by intermittent reinforcement through rewards and punishments. The process of forming trauma bonds is referred to as trauma bonding or traumatic bonding. Trauma bonding occurs when an abuser repeats a cycle of abuse with a victim which …
For me, I had always associated these with a war veteran, or someone who had had an obvious, massive, life-changing event. ‘Trauma’ is a bit of a buzzword at the moment, but it’s very real, and very important, and most of us are walking around carrying trauma, without even realising it. Being trauma-informed means to …
Continue reading “What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘trauma’? Or PTSD?”