Imagine this. You are waiting outside the shopping centre for a friend or family member to pick you up, but they don’t arrive. Minutes turn into an hour, and you have no mobile phone. How would you be feeling? Slightly anxious? Worried about your friend/relative? Wondering whether to leave and find another way home, …
Are You Emotionally Immature?
Emotional maturity is defined by the ability to manage our emotions and take full responsibility for our actions. Emotional immaturity can be the result of insecure attachments in childhood, unresolved trauma, or mental health issues. If you have problems communicating your needs, controlling your reactions, regulating your emotions, or are defensive and hyper-sensitive to criticism, …
Are You Living In Survival Mode? (and what to do about it)
After years of never really fitting in, always feeling as though there was something wrong with me, and entering into toxic friendships and abusive relationships, I finally found myself at rock bottom. I had no choice but to seek help, if I was going to get through. At my first therapy session, not even …
Continue reading “Are You Living In Survival Mode? (and what to do about it)”
The Window Of Tolerance
The Window Of Tolerance is a concept originally developed by Dr Dan Siegel, MD, in his 1999 book, The Developing Mind, to describe the optimum zone of ‘arousal’ for a person to function in every day life. When we are operating within our window of tolerance, we can effectively manage and cope with our …
The Fawn Trauma Response – Are You A People Pleaser?
I have been a people-pleaser for most of my life. Not trusting my own judgement, so relying on others to tell me what to do. Ignoring red flags in people, trying to see the best in them. Which has got me into many dangerous situations, and stuck in a cycle of toxic friendships and abusive …
Continue reading “The Fawn Trauma Response – Are You A People Pleaser?”
Birth Roles In A Dysfunctional Family
If our emotional and physical needs are met as children, we grow up believing that we have a right to be here and that we are capable, lovable and able to take care of ourselves. But often, getting these needs met depends on how well the needs of the family have been met. For example, …
Reenactment and Trauma
In his book ‘Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner child‘, John Bradshaw relays a story of how, as a grown adult on holiday with his wife and children, something didn’t go his way, and before he knew it, he had stormed out of the accommodation, and was pacing up and down in a new hotel …
What Is Toxic Shame?
A lot of us are walking around carrying toxic shame, without even knowing it, or realising just how big an impact it is having on how we function day to day. You may withdraw, become angry without understanding why. You may become a perfectionist, in order to avoid more criticism or shame. Either from others …
What is a Trauma Bond?
Trauma bonds are emotional bonds with an individual that arise from a recurring, cyclical pattern of abuse perpetuated by intermittent reinforcement through rewards and punishments. The process of forming trauma bonds is referred to as trauma bonding or traumatic bonding. Trauma bonding occurs when an abuser repeats a cycle of abuse with a victim which …
What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘trauma’? Or PTSD?
For me, I had always associated these with a war veteran, or someone who had had an obvious, massive, life-changing event. ‘Trauma’ is a bit of a buzzword at the moment, but it’s very real, and very important, and most of us are walking around carrying trauma, without even realising it. Being trauma-informed means to …
Continue reading “What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘trauma’? Or PTSD?”