Changing old patterns
Family relationships are some of the most complex and emotionally charged connections we have. When things go wrong—whether due to repeated conflicts, emotional neglect, betrayal, or abuse—many people face the painful decision of whether to reconnect or stay no contact with a family member. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but there are some key considerations that …
Continue reading “Reconnect or Stay No Contact? Navigating Difficult Family Relationships”
For those living with Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), the idea of finding a healthy, loving relationship can feel like chasing a mirage—always visible in the distance, never within reach. While the desire for connection runs deep, the path to intimacy is often obstructed by invisible scars, unhealed wounds, and deeply ingrained survival patterns. C-PTSD often stems …
Continue reading “Why It Feels Impossible to Find a Healthy Relationship After Complex PTSD”
The intense love you feel with a narcissist or when you are in a trauma bond, isn’t actually love. It’s infatuation. It’s addiction. And it is because you are revisiting/reenacting something you went through in childhood from your primary care giver/s. Subconsciously, we keep revisiting what we know, what is familiar. No matter how painful …
An emotionally unavailable person is typically seen as someone who has a fear or block to sharing their emotions, and feelings. They delay making plans, don’t really want a label to the relationship, can’t commit, are inconsistent, they lead you on, or worse. They can be emotionally abusing you (gaslighting, stonewalling, lying). They likely …
Continue reading “Do You Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners?”
My daughter asked me recently where the term ‘bunny boiler’ comes from. I laughed, as I recalled Glenn Close’s psychotic character in ‘Fatal Attraction‘ and how, after the huge success of the film in the 80s, any female who demonstrated a glimmer of insecure behaviour was labelled a bunny boiler, relating to the scene where …
Continue reading “When Trauma And Pain Show Up As Crazy In Relationships”
As soon as we are born, life comes at us. We all need attachment, to survive, and if your parents or caregivers didn’t meet your emotional needs fully, you were abused, abandoned, or neglected, you will feel unworthy and unlovable deep down. You will learn behaviours to cope and to keep yourself as safe as …
Self-regulation is how we cope with certain emotional behaviours and physical movements during stressful situations. Self-regulation is the skill that helps individuals stay focused and attentive during times of stress. Our ability to self-regulate as an adult has roots in our childhoods. Learning how to self-regulate is an important skill that children learn both for …
Continue reading “What is self-regulation, and why is it important?”
I was a codependent for most of my life. Desperate to be loved, I jumped from one long-term relationship to another, from a very young age, most of them being abusive. I was desperate for friends, so clingy and needy, I either put up with bullying and toxicity even in adult friendships, or drove any …
Imagine this. You are waiting outside the shopping centre for a friend or family member to pick you up, but they don’t arrive. Minutes turn into an hour, and you have no mobile phone. How would you be feeling? Slightly anxious? Worried about your friend/relative? Wondering whether to leave and find another way home, …
Emotional maturity is the ability to recognise, express, and control one’s own emotions while being able to empathise and respond to the emotions of others. It sounds simple, but many people can only see from their own ‘frame of reference’. They haven’t learnt to take a pause, and consider what is going on for others. …