{"id":151,"date":"2023-04-14T15:46:47","date_gmt":"2023-04-14T14:46:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thehealingnest.co.uk\/blog\/?p=151"},"modified":"2023-04-14T15:51:29","modified_gmt":"2023-04-14T14:51:29","slug":"what-is-the-mother-wound","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thehealingnest.co.uk\/blog\/what-is-the-mother-wound\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is The Mother Wound?"},"content":{"rendered":"

WHAT IS THE MOTHER WOUND?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The bond between a mother and her child is so\u00a0strong that British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott believed\u00a0that there\u2019s no such thing as an infant, but only an infant and their mother. He believed that a child\u2019s sense of self is built by the kind of a relationship that they have with their primary caregiver (usually Mum).<\/p>\n

But sometimes that bond isn’t formed, or is broken. Examples include a mother who\u00a0provided support by taking care of the physical needs of the children, but didn\u2019t give or show \u00a0love, care, warmth, and safety; a mother who\u00a0didn\u2019t provide empathy to mirror the child\u2019s emotions and help the child to recognise those emotions, and to self-regulate<\/a>; \u00a0a mother who\u00a0didn\u2019t allow the child to express negative emotions;\u00a0was extra critical;\u00a0had suffered emotional or physical abuse themselves, didn\u2019t process the trauma<\/a>, and was therefore unable to offer love and nurture;\u00a0had anxiety or depression, or\u00a0experienced alcoholism or drug addiction<\/p>\n

The mother wound is the cultural trauma that is carried by a mother \u2013 along with any dysfunctional coping mechanisms that have been used to process that pain \u2013 and inherited by her children.<\/p>\n

The mother wound is not a specific diagnosis \u2014 although it can hurt so much that you\u2019re sure it warrants one. While both daughters and sons can feel the impact of the under-mothering that leads to the mother wound, it\u2019s typically considered a mother-to-daughter wound.<\/p>\n

Thanks to psychologist Mary Ainsworth and her attachment theory, we know that the trust that a mother instills in childhood positively affects not only the child\u2019s present, but also their future relationships. Meaning, a child who acquires the mother wound is most likely to perpetuate this type of relationship with their own children.<\/p>\n

If the wound is not healed, negative perceptions, choices and parenting styles can be passed down through the matrilineal line \u2013 causing new pain with each generation. Think of mothers always putting themselves last, diminishing their own needs to serve others or constantly battling to construct a facade of perfection (perfect spouse, perfect mother, perfect woman within society).<\/p>\n

SIGNS OF THE MOTHER WOUND<\/strong><\/p>\n

Signs of the mother wound can be subtle, and it may be difficult to pull the threads of trauma from the densely woven cloth of the mother-daughter relationship \u2013 after all, we have generally never not known this relationship, and so much of who we are relates back to how we were raised. Things to consider, though, include:<\/p>\n

People-pleasing<\/a> and emotional care-taking (often to your own detriment or leading to feelings of resentment)
\nFeeling competitive with other women
\n‘Good Girl’ syndrome<\/a>
\nNever feeling good enough, no matter how hard you try
\nLack of strong boundaries
\nFearing failure or disapproval
\nConsciously or unconsciously waiting for your mother\u2019s permission and approval to fully live your life and reach your potential
\nFeeling nervous and frightened around your mother.<\/p>\n

These negative feelings can lead to:<\/p>\n

Low self-esteem (Secure attachment makes a child feel that they matter. Without this basic belief in themselves, children struggle to get a sense of self and to believe in themselves)<\/p>\n

Lack of emotional awareness (A mother who is present for their child is able to mirror their child\u2019s feelings, label those feelings, and help them to manage the feelings. The child doesn\u2019t need to suppress negative feelings, because they have a way to manage them).<\/p>\n

Inability to self-soothe\/regulate<\/a> (Without the awareness of how to manage their feelings, children and later adults never develop the ability to self-soothe. Instead, they turn to things outside of themselves for comfort. These things could include numbing activities like alcohol abuse, substance abuse, comfort eating, and gambling).<\/p>\n

Relationship difficulties (Adults with the mother wound have difficulty forming and maintaining the positive relationships that we all crave for because they\u2019ve never learned to trust).<\/p>\n

HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND<\/strong><\/p>\n

Reparenting your inner child<\/a><\/p>\n

Mindfulness<\/p>\n

Journalling<\/p>\n

Meditation<\/p>\n

Therapy<\/a><\/p>\n

Andrea x<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

WHAT IS THE MOTHER WOUND? The bond between a mother and her child is so\u00a0strong that British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott believed\u00a0that there\u2019s no such thing as an infant, but only an infant and their mother. He believed that a child\u2019s sense of self is built by the kind of a relationship that they have with … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “What Is The Mother Wound?”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":154,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,11],"tags":[31,68,85,95,33,19,32,96,54,97,64,21,91,66,67,10],"class_list":["post-151","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general","category-inner-child","tag-attachment","tag-boundaries","tag-codependency","tag-donald-winnicott","tag-fight-flight-freeze-fawn","tag-inner-child","tag-inner-child-healing","tag-mary-ainsworvth","tag-mindfulness","tag-mother-wound","tag-people-pleasing","tag-reparenting","tag-self-esteem","tag-self-regulation","tag-self-soothing","tag-trauma"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t